Byakuya Kageyoshi
by Firisu
Summary: After suddenly losing his memories and spirit power, Byakuya is sent to the real world with Rukia to recover. But his new life as an ordinary human gets complicated when certain members of the Gotei 13 start showing up at his doorstep. No real pairings.
1. Prologue: A Fresh Start

**A/N: This an idea my friend and I got when we were playing Sims 2 on her computer. I wanted this to be pointless crack, but it didn't turn out the way I wanted, though it can still be seen as such if you look at it from a far distance and from a particular angle. So, expect major OOCness on Byakuya's part and some from the other characters, too. It's written in Byakuya's point of view and set just after the Soul Society arc.**

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* * *

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**Prologue – A Fresh Start**

_Something once lost will never return._

"Captain, get up!"

"Brother, are you okay?"

"That won't resuscitate him, Rukia. Watch, I'll do it my way."

"Renji, wait! Don't…"

A fist lands in my face – hard.

"What the hell…" I sit up and rub my sore nose. "Who… are you?"

"Oh, Brother, thank goodness, you're awake," says the dark-haired girl kneeling to my left, smiling in relief.

"Hey, Captain, glad to see you're okay," the red-haired boy to my right states casually. He's wearing a black kimono, one that's identical to his companion's.

I don't recognize these two at all. In fact, I have no any idea who or where I am.

I examine my surroundings for the first time.

Several plain white buildings reach high into the bright blue sky, but apart from that, there is nothing to see.

"Where am I?" I rub my head with my palm, hoping that, at any second, realization will hit and everything will be clear.

"You didn't show up at work today, so I knew something serious must have happened. That's why we were wandering around Seireitei for a while until we found you here, but you were already collapsed and unconscious on the ground," he explains.

"And who are you?" I continue to rub my aching head – that might have something to do with the sudden memory loss.

"Captain, it's me, Renji, your lieutenant. And this is Rukia. You don't remember?"

Nope. "Who am I?"

"You're Kuchiki Byakuya, Captain of Squad Six from the Thirteen Court Guard Squads."

I'm getting more and more confused by each passing second. "Huh?"

"Renji," Rukia says to the redhead. "Report this to Captain Unohana. We need her help."

"I got it." Without delay, Renji leaps high over the buildings and disappears from sight.

"Wow."

"What is it, Brother?" Rukia asks curiously.

"Can a normal human jump that far?"

"No, a normal human can't." For some reason, she smiles as if I'm missing some inside joke.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, how do I put this…?" Rukia struggles for words until she hesitantly says, "You've kind of been dead for a few hundred years."

"Dead…?" Failing to grasp this fact soon enough, I collapse for the second time in one morning.

* * *

I wake up on what feels like a stretcher bed. That must mean I'm in the hospital.

"Welcome to the Squad Four Station, Captain Kuchiki," greets a young woman with a thick single plait braided beneath her chin. "I'm Captain Unohana. These two here say you're having trouble remembering some things, is that correct?"

I look to my left to see Rukia and Renji sitting beside me, looking quite worried indeed.

"Yes, that's right. I don't remember anything about… anything really. My name, my identity… they're all gone."

"Well then, I guess we have quite a predicament on our hands."

The next several hours are spent with Captain Unohana explaining to me the basics of Soul Society. None of it rings a bell. All this Soul Reaper and spirit energy talk sounds like something out of a fantasy novel. Every so often throughout the discussion, Renji would make a stupid joke to try and lighten the mood, and every time, Rukia would hit him across the head.

Many hours after that, following countless physical and psychological tests, Lieutenant Kotetsu gives me a diagnosis of amnesia and loss of spiritual energy.

Well, I didn't really need to go to a hospital to find out I've lost my memories.

I'm told that the lost spirit energy thing means I am completely and utterly powerless. But since I can't remember having any of it in the first place, it's not such a big loss.

"Will I ever get my memories back?"

"It's hard to say at this point in time. We can't seem to find the cause, so finding the cure doesn't seem likely for at least a few weeks…" Lieutenant Kotetsu trails off and looks down as if she's trying to hide just how bad this is. She finally turns back at me and puts on the best fake smile she can muster. "Don't worry though, we'll study these results further and contact you immediately if anything comes up."

And then, out of nowhere, a large black butterfly flies in through the window.

"So he sent a hell butterfly…" Captain Unohana let the creature land on her finger and then listens intently to silence for a whole minute before nodding and sending the butterfly away. She then turns to me, seeing the puzzled expression on my face, and explains, "I told the Head Captain about your situation, and it seems he's come up with a solution."

"And you got this information from a butterfly…" I vaguely remember they mentioned something about a 'hell butterfly' towards the end of that long explanation of this afterlife, but I had long since stopped paying attention.

"Don't worry, they're very reliable sources." And so, she starts to repeat what she just heard, "Captain Kuchiki, you shall be sent to the world of the living to wait for your powers to return to you. Whilst there, you will be given an artificial body and live as a normal human. We shall assign someone to prepare a suitable house for you, which you will share with your little sister." She turns to Rukia and says, "You have been given the task of taking care of your brother and ensuring that no harm comes his way."

"Understood," says Rukia.

"I guess it's time for you two to be on your way then." Captain Unohana gestures towards the door. "I wish you luck, Captain Kuchiki. Make it back to us in one piece."

Leaving the Squad Four quarters, Renji goes back to his office to finish off his paperwork while Rukia leads me to the gate that connects together Soul Society and the human world.

I look directly at the open door. What lies beyond it is a complete mystery to me. But whether I am ready or not, I am moments away from stepping into my new life.

I try to comprehend my current circumstances, before quickly stopping myself. I know if I think too much about the fact that I am technically dead, I will not be able to hold off the mental breakdown I can feel coming.

Rukia obviously notices my tense stance. She takes my hand and asks, "Ready to go, Brother?"

I nod my head and murmur, "Sure, bring it on."


	2. Day One: Housewarming Surprise

**Day One – Housewarming Surprise**

_Never look a gift horse in the mouth._

This is not what I imagine when I think about crossing over the threshold between heaven and earth.

I imagine a grand golden gate surrounded by fluffy clouds and angels playing harps.

But, like most things about this world, my clichéd mental image doesn't match the reality.

Rukia leads me through the murky cave-like tunnel. We are surrounded on all sides by purple walls and large stray bones that are scattered on the ground.

Oh, and did I mention that there's an enormous black creature following behind us? It's shaped like a train and even has a spot of light on its forehead. It also moves incredibly fast, which means we have to be even faster if we don't want it to crush us. And that is how we ended up running for our lives.

"Why is that thing chasing us?"

"It's the cleaner."

"That ugly excuse for a giant slug is the _cleaner_?! It much better resembles garbage! Can't they just hire a normal janitor with a mop and broom?"

"Just shut up and run!"

We run and run and finally we see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That's when I speed up and dash for the exit.

"Wait, Brother, be careful!"

"Huh?"

No sooner had I asked that I realize the meaning behind her warning.

I am out of that dark dreary tunnel. And now I am falling from the sky.

Uh-oh, this is not looking good…

"No!" I keep screaming for as long as my breath holds out.

When you freefall out of the sky in a dream, it gives you a sudden rush of adrenaline and excitement. When it happens in real life, it's just plain terrifying.

I close my eyes tight and flail my arms and legs, hoping for something – anything – to appear above or below me so I can grab onto it for dear life.

I know that in times like these, the best thing to do is to keep calm, but that's easier said than done when your heart is trying to jump out of your chest.

Thankfully, the fall only lasts a few seconds. And here comes the ground.

One quick – but certainly not painless – crash later, and now I'm laying face first on the concrete.

Soon after, I hear Rukia land beside me. It sounds like she managed to stay on her feet.

"Oh dear, what ever am I going to do with you?" she snickers.

I lift my head up slightly to see her shaking her head mockingly.

"Shut up." I let my face fall back into the shallow dent that I'd made in the ground. "How did we end up falling through the sky?"

"Well, you see, there's this little thing called gravity…" she begins to say matter-of-factly.

"I know that! I meant you should've warned me beforehand!"

"Sorry, it slipped my mind."

I groan and she laughs.

"Come on, get up and look at our new home."

"I don't think I can move."

"Well, you don't have to. See? It's right in front of us."

I lift my head again, a little higher this time.

I see the house. That is how I realize I've been laying on the sidewalk this whole time.

I get up as steadily as I can and dust off my newly acquired white shirt and jeans, all the while ignoring the loud pounding in my ears and aching in my head.

"This is it, huh?" I stare the house critically for a moment before smiling just a little and saying, "Let's take a look inside then."

I walk up the porch steps, hearing Rukia follow close behind.

Directly beyond the front door is a large living room with an adjoining kitchen behind it. The doors leading to the two bedrooms seem to be on the left side of the lounge.

I assume the larger bedroom in the farther end is mine. I walk into the room, only to stop in the doorway to gape at what I see in the corner.

"What's wrong, Brother?" Rukia comes up behind me when she takes in my rigid pose.

"I think there's something wrong with this house."

She tries to see past me into the room. Considering her height, she isn't having too much success. It would make sense for me to get out of the doorway but I feel like I'm frozen where I'm standing.

She eventually decides to push my arm out of the way just enough so she can see what I'm talking about, and then stares in shock herself.

"Well," she struggles for something to say, "this is… interesting."

Interesting? That doesn't even cover it.

I don't know what word I would use. But 'interesting' definitely does not suit the huge coffin in my bedroom.

I didn't believe it at first sight, but there is no bed in this room, just an open black coffin lined with red velvet.

"I guess you can take this room then."

Rukia turns to stare at me with horror and outrage.

"What? You can't do that! That thing is obviously meant for you!"

Just then, the door bell interrupts her objections.

"I have a special delivery for Kuchiki Byakuya!" an apathetic voice calls from outside, followed by a muffled "meow."

Rukia and I both raise a curious eyebrow, before making our way across the living room.

I open the front door to see a young boy holding a cardboard box in two hands.

His head is lowered and covered with a postman's cap that matches his dark blue outfit. It doesn't look as if he can be any more than ten years old – a little too young to already have a job.

"Meow," an impatient sound comes from the box.

I take my eyes away from the short boy to focus on our 'special delivery.'

Four young kittens are crowded in the cardboard package – one pitch black, one tabby grey and two others that are white with slight grey-black patches.

"That looks a bit heavy for you. Let me take it off your hands," I say, bending down and putting the box inside.

I turn back to the boy. But as soon as I do, I hear one of the cats jump out of the box behind me. Before I comprehend what's happening, it jumps over the postman's head, removing his hat in the process. The black cat is nowhere to be seen, but instead of worrying about that, my eyes are drawn to the young boy standing in front of me.

With his cap gone, I can see the mess of spiky white hair on his head. I wonder why such a young kid has silver hair already. His eyes are a strange mix of green and a blue – a deep turquoise colour. His face is structured like a kid's, but it seems like there is more wisdom and knowledge hidden beneath his scowl than there should be in any ordinary elementary school student.

I smile at the little boy, reaching my hand down to pat him on the head.

"Thanks for making that delivery, kid," I say while ruffling up his white hair.

"It's my pleasure." It sounds as if he's speaking through gritted teeth. But why would that be…?

Wait, did his eyebrow just twitch? No, it must just be my imagination…

"Would you like to come inside for some candy?" I suggest.

"That's very nice of you to offer, but I better be on my way now." The boy turns around and starts walking towards his motorcycle that's parked on the kerb.

What a strange kid. I'm sure I just detected a hint of sarcasm and bitterness in his words. He is an intriguing one…

"Hey, I didn't catch your name."

"Hitsugaya Toushirou," he calls monotonously towards me without turning around.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around then, Toushirou."

Without answering, he kick starts his motorbike and speeds off to do more deliveries.

I just stand there for a while, watching the slowly setting sun meet the horizon, until I hear a loud smashing noise coming from inside.

Running into the living room, I ask, "What's going on in here?"

"See for yourself." Rukia points to the cats running manically around the house. Shattered plates, ripped magazines and a smashed lamp are just a few of the things they leave in their path of destruction.

My eyes focus on the three little monsters and begin to fill with murderous anger. "Whose idea of a joke is this?"

"Oh, this explains a lot."

I turn around to look at Rukia who is crouching down beside the box, holding a small white card in her hands.

"What's that?"

"I found it in the package. I guess it's from whoever sent us such a lovely present."

"What does it say?"

"'We hope you enjoy your housewarming gift,'" she reads. "'It should provide you with countless hours of fun and joy.' It goes on to tell us about how to take care of these little brats."

"Is there a signature on it?" I ask angrily, my eyebrows twitching.

Rukia skims through the letter and her eyes focus on the bottom of the piece of card.

"The Soul Society Women's League," she answers.

I raise a questioning eyebrow.

"It's an association of seven women from the Thirteen Court Guard Squads who hold meetings and make decisions for little things like this," she explains. Then she says suddenly, "I guess that explains the coffin."

When my expression continues to remain confused, she clarifies again.

"Yachiru's always had a theory that you were a vampire."

My eyebrows start to twitch uncontrollably and I suddenly have the urge to crush something with the power of my own bare hands.

"She is going to pay for this…"

All of a sudden, the tabby cat comes running and jumps up to my face. I catch it with both hands and hold it in place just as its claws are one inch away from my eyes. With a swift movement of my wrist, I toss it out the window.

"Rukia, there's something I need to tell you." I face her seriously and enunciate each word slowly. "I want a dog."

* * *

**(A/N: Because this story is written in Byakuya's point of view, I can only write what he experiences himself. So I'll put any extra funny/cute/random scenes concerning the other characters in this 'Outtake' section at the end of each chapter.)**

* * *

**Outtake**

The automatic doors slide open for Hitsugaya to step into the post office after a long hard day of work. He feels completely exhausted and unappreciated. Obviously, he didn't think this whole 'day job' thing through thoroughly enough before coming to the real world.

He is about to toss his delivery bag under the counter and go straight home, but then he spots his supervisor waving her arm in his direction.

"Toushirou, I need to talk to you."

She sits him down in one of the rooms in the back and explains, "I'm afraid you can no longer continue working here. Your mother has informed us that you are actually underage."

"My… mother?" he questions the word in shock and confusion.

A sudden knock on the door brings a smile to his supervisor's face as she says, "That's probably her right now."

The door opens and someone all too familiar to Hitsugaya is making her way to him with a wide grin on her face. "Hey, Captain! I've come to pick you up! Aw, look at you! You're so cute in a postman's uniform!"

"Matsumoto?!" he exclaims, almost falling out of his seat. "What are you doing here?"

"Now, now, didn't I already say? I'm taking you home. And would it kill you to call me Mum once in a while?"

"What did you say?!"


	3. Day Two: Babysitter Byakuya

**Day Two – Babysitter Byakuya**

_Look what the cat dragged in._

Contrary to popular belief, sleeping in a coffin really isn't that bad. The soft red velvet coating makes it a comfortable replacement for a bed. Of course, this does not change the fact that I will kill Yachiru the first chance I get for making me sleep in here.

And as fate would have it, that is what I dream of on my first night in a coffin.

It's dark and cloudy in the dream – like the set of a horror movie. I press my finger up to my neck where I sense a sting of pain. Then I feel them; the two bite marks on the side of my neck. I can sense my vampire instincts taking over and my sights setting on one particular victim. She stands before me with a wide grin on her face. I can't see what she looks like; the new moon and surrounding mist make it impossible to distinguish anything past my own two feet. But in my mind, I know that she is the one who subjected me to this life as a coldblooded monster.

The girl starts running, further and further out of my reach. But it doesn't look like she's running out of fear; it looks like she's playing a game of tag and expects me to chase after her. That's fine with me. I run up to her with my inhuman speed until we're just an arms length apart. She looks back at me, her legs still in motion. I smirk devilishly to reveal my sharp venomous fangs. She just laughs and grins wider. I make a vow to myself to wipe that smile off her face.

I reach for her, ready to crush her neck in between my pale fingers. For one instant, with my hand a hair's breadth away from her neck, I see the slight falter of her smile and the hint of fear in her eyes.

The fog begins to lift and, for the first time since the dream began, I start to see what she looks like. Those dark red eyes and… bright pink hair…?

All these images suddenly disappear when I feel something soft and fluffy land on my face.

"Get off of me!" I yell, sitting up and spitting fur out of my mouth.

After regaining my breath, I look around to get a hold of reality. That's right, this is my new room.

And that little grey kitty still has the nerve to sit at my legs, innocently licking his paws.

I reach for the tiny devil and throw him at the half-open door.

"Leave," I threaten in a deadly voice. The cat's smart enough to heed my warning, obviously not wanting to get sent to an early grave.

I check the clock on the wall. Six o'clock, it reads. I might as well get out of bed – or coffin – now.

Walking into the kitchen, I realize Rukia's not up yet. I guess I'll have to cook breakfast on my own.

I grab two pieces of bread and shove them into the toaster.

* * *

Last night, Rukia led me through the basics of how to live. She taught me about cooking, cleaning, using money and other such necessities – all with the help of her reliable sketchbook and coloured markers. But when she started instructing me on how to pour milk into a cup, I had to stop her. "Rukia, I have amnesia, not dementia."

Another – much longer – part of the night was spent sorting out what we should do with our new pets. The card that came with the box had all the information we need. Apparently, the tabby grey cat's a boy. The other two are twin girls; both have white fur, though the older kitten's grey patches are noticeably darker than her sister's.

The house has been stocked with a few weeks' supply of cat food. After that, we have to go shopping for more. But this wasn't my main concern at the time.

More frustratingly, I spent hours trying to think of names for all three cats and came up empty. So I asked Rukia for her opinion.

"We could use 'Shiki' for the boy, 'Seiren' for the older girl, and 'Rima' for the youngest," she suggested.

"Hmm, those are pretty good names. Where'd you get them from?"

She shrugged. "They just popped into my head," she answered before continuing to read her manga.

And now, I've learned to differentiate between the cats not by their appearance but by their behaviour. For instance, whenever I hear the tearing of leather, I immediately know Shiki's inflicting his claws upon the couch again. But before I reach the living room, Rima usually beats me to it and scolds him herself. Then it's Seiren who tries to get everything back in order and defends him from my impending wrath.

At least the cats are getting along with each other. The furniture, on the other hand, seems to have gotten the worst end of the bargain.

* * *

The sound of bread popping up out of the toaster snaps me back to the present.

Ah, my breakfast is ready… and burnt.

I glare at the toaster.

"What's wrong with you?!" I shout, as if it has the ability to answer back.

"What's with the commotion?"

I turn to see Rukia in her pajamas, walking into the kitchen and rubbing her eyes. She stops in her tracks when she sees the stare-off I'm having with the toaster. "Now, now, what have I told you about bullying inanimate objects?"

"Shut up," I retort. "This thing's pissing me off!"

She sighs. "Just change its settings. It's not rocket science."

"Whatever," I grumble. "Screw this, I'll just have cereal."

And so, I pour some cornflakes and milk into a bowl and take it to the small dining table.

Rukia soon settles into the seat opposite me, putting down a plate with what was meant to be my breakfast.

I eye the pieces of overdone bread and ask doubtfully, "You're not going to eat those, are you?"

"Well, if you'd only waited for me to help you in the kitchen then you might've had more luck with this."

"You weren't awake yet," I say in my defense.

"After getting to bed at midnight, I thought you would want to sleep in a bit more, too." She takes a bite of toast.

"Sorry, but I found it a little hard to fall asleep with a cat on my face."

She nearly chokes on her mouthful of bread laughing.

"Glad to see how much you care," I mutter sarcastically.

"You're really going to have to get your act together," Rukia says. "I got a phone call from Soul Society last night."

"So what?" I ask.

"They told me they're only giving us a limited amount of money. By the end of the week, you're going to have to get a job."

"What? Why do I have to do it?"

"Killing monsters in between schoolwork doesn't leave me with a lot of free time."

"But how am I meant to find a job?"

She takes another bite of toast. "I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"Easy for you to say," I mumble under my breath, pushing the small pieces of cereal around the bowl with my spoon, not feeling so hungry anymore.

* * *

It's a little after eight o'clock this morning when I hear a male voice call from the outside.

"Rukia, it's time for school!"

I stroll into the bathroom where Rukia's in front of the mirror, fixing the piece of hair in the middle of her face. Leaning against the door, I casually say to her, "Sounds like you have a gentleman caller."

"Be quiet, it's only Ichigo. Besides, I'm not ready yet," she says distractedly, still studying her reflection in the mirror.

"Freak," I mutter. Unfortunately, she heard me and sends a hairbrush flying at my head. "Ouch, that hurts."

"Serves you right," she says. "Just go answer the door. I'll be out in a minute."

"Yes, Master," I sigh.

I walk to the main entrance and pull the door open.

"Good morning," I greet with a smile.

Standing there is a teenage boy with spiky orange hair and a deep scowl on his face.

But that expression changes completely as soon as he sees me.

"Byakuya?!" he shouts in utter disbelief, pointing a finger in my direction. "What the hell are you doing here?"

I simply blink in response. "I live here."

"Huh?" He rubs his eyes, disbelieving what he sees. "What happened to you?"

That's when Rukia walks past me and hits him on the side of his head with her book bag. "Idiot, don't talk to my brother like that."

"But… Rukia, you didn't say anything about Byakuya coming to the real world! Is that why you got this new house? What's going on here?" Ichigo continues to stand frozen in the doorway, his eyes practically bulging out of his head.

She sighs in irritation. "It's a long story. Just drop it, okay?"

"But… but…" Ichigo stutters, obviously waiting for an explanation.

Rukia simply ignores him and looks my way. "You sure you'll be okay, Brother?"

I roll my eyes. "I don't need you to take care of me."

"Yeah, I know." Then she adds with a laugh, "Just don't burn the house down, okay?"

* * *

A mere ten minutes after I return inside, I hear another voice call from the front door.

"Excuse me, is Kuchiki Byakuya here?"

I open the door to see a man in a sleek white uniform with long white hair, holding a clipboard and pen in one hand. His smile looks friendly enough, though there seems to be a hint of awkwardness there, too. I don't think it's good news.

I furrow my brows and ask, "What can I do for you?"

As if in answer to my question, something that was hiding behind him jumps into view and rests atop his shoulder. It looks like an abnormally short girl… with bright pink hair…

"Hi, Byakushi!" she greets cheerfully, waving one arm in the air.

"What the…" I manage to sputter.

"Ahem," the man clears his throat to redirect my attention from the hyperactive child on his shoulder. "I'm sorry to disturb you in your home like this, but I am from social services and this girl here tells me that you're her uncle."

"What?"

"Come on, Byakushi!" she whines. "Don't tell me you've forgotten all the fun times we've had together."

The man clears his throat again, clearly not appreciating the kid's interruptions, and hands me the clipboard which held many papers in place. "Can you please sign this to agree to the role of her parental guardian until further notice?"

"Uh, okay…"

Without putting enough thought into it, I take the pen he offers me and imprint my signature onto the custody papers.

"Yay, Byakushi! Looks like we're going to be a family from now on!" she cheers, jumping off the man's shoulders and landing softly on the ground just outside the door.

"I'll leave you guys to it then." The man's smile widens before he heads into his car and drives away from sight.

"Well then," the girl says to me, "Yachiru and Byakushi are going to become the best of friends, aren't we?"

Yachiru…?! No, it can't be…

"You're… Yachiru?" I ask uncertainly, hoping I didn't hear what I think I just heard.

"Yep!" she replies.

"You don't happen to know of something called a women's association, do you?"

"Of course!" she announces proudly. "I'm Kusajishi Yachiru, club president of the Soul Society Women's League."

With no more words needing to be said, I slam the door shut in her face.

Even as I hear her dainty little fists pounding against the other side of the wood, I turn around and slowly make my way over to the kitchen.

Clenching my fist and gritting my teeth, I reach into the drawers filled with silverware. I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly, but I can say with certainty that it's something along the lines of a murder weapon.

"Wow, this is such a cool house!"

I look down to see Yachiru standing beside me, observing the room from all angles.

I narrow my eyes. "How'd you get in here?"

"Hmm?" she muses, paying more attention to the kitchen features than the outraged expression on my face. "This is my home now, too. I can come here whenever I want."

I take advantage of her distractions to grab hold of the first sharp object my hands can reach and inconspicuously lower it behind my back.

"You shouldn't play with knives."

Somehow, the blade disappears from my grasp and Yachiru's suddenly sitting on the kitchen counter in front of me with her legs swinging over the side, holding the silver dagger in her delicate little hand. She waves it in front of her face and scolds, "It's dangerous."

Damn, how did she do that?

Before I can try to steal it back, she makes another surprising move by snapping the knife in half with her bare fingers.

Reaching into the pocket of her black jacket, she pulls out a piece of paper and holds it up for me to read. "See this? It's a contract. And you agreed to follow it."

Damn that evil little girl to hell.

But I'll admit she has proven to me one thing: looks can be very deceiving. Maybe she will be interesting to have around.

I guess I'll call a truce – at least for the time being.

"So, what's the deal, kid? Aren't you supposed to be in that Soul Society place?"

She shrugs. "Kenny ran out of people to fight. He heard there are strong people here in the world of the living."

"Kenny?"

"Yep, he's my daddy." She then puts a finger to her chin, as if rethinking her reply, and corrects, "Well, not really. But he's the only daddy I've ever known."

"So where is he now?"

"He got sent to the loony bin," she states simply.

"Huh?"

"Apparently, picking fights with random people for no reason is considered a crime in this world," she explains, perplexity clear on her face.

"Ah, I see," I reply, silently praying I never have to meet this father of hers.

She sighs and laments, "Kenny really wanted the chance to fight Ichi again. Hopefully, he gets released from that crazy house before our time is up."

"Time?" I ask curiously.

She merely shook her head a little and grinned. "Forget about it. Just promise me one thing, okay, Byakushi? Don't get too attached to this world."

"What?"

"Never mind," she shrugs off. "Let's play a game."

Before I can ask more about her puzzling warning, she hops down from the counter and smiles up at me playfully. "Close your eyes and count to ten."

"Huh?"

"You know the rules to hide-and-seek, right?"

"Wait, I never said I would play any games with you!"

She puts her hands on her hips and her lips form a deep pout.

"Okay," I sigh in defeat, "One game."

"Yay!" she rejoices. "Now," she orders in a serious tone, pointing her tiny finger at my face, "No peeking, or else it ruins the fun."

I refrain from questioning how a little kid's game like this is even fun in the first place. Instead, I shut my eyes obediently and begin to count, "One, two, three…"

I already hear her short little legs excitedly moving in a quick dash away from the kitchen.

* * *

Four hours and ten different games later, I find myself laying on the couch with my entire body sprawled out, closing my eyes and settling into the peacefulness.

Finally, I am able to rest. Or so I thought.

"Byakushi!" calls a sweet voice from behind me.

Oh, I almost forgot, _she's _still here.

I tilt my head backwards over the armrest to see Yachiru standing there, pouting like the little brat she is.

"Go away, Yachiru," I order bluntly. "I've had enough of playing happy families with you."

"Aw, please, Byakushi," she insists. "One more round of hide-and-seek!"

"Fine," I humour her. "I'll count to ten; you go hide."

"Yay!" she cheers, scurrying off to find a suitable hiding spot.

Soon, all is quiet once again.

"How did this happen to me?" I roll onto my stomach and bury my face into the black leather cushions.

"Losing your mind, huh?" a voice calls from behind.

What the… "Who's there?"

I look up to gaze out the window. I don't see anyone. Except…

"What's wrong? You look a little shocked."

There's a black cat – the one that ran away yesterday – sitting on the windowsill, talking to me.

I ask incredulously, "What are you?"

"You know, it's not very nice to refer to someone as a 'what.'"

"I repeat, what _are_ you?" I squint at the creature and guess, "A… were-cat?"

It makes a noise that sounds like a snicker. "Still as immature as ever, aren't you, Little Byakuya?"

What an obnoxious cat.

"Listen, you," I say, trying to overlook the fact that I am now arguing with an animal. Maybe I am losing my mind. "I have no idea who the hell you are, so how about this? Act like a good little kitty and jump off a cliff."

"Whoa, harsh, harsh," it mocks. "But you know what? I've missed this side of you. You were always so much fun to play with a hundred and ten years ago."

Great, even a cat knows more about my past than I do. "Just leave me alone."

"I can help, you know."

"What?"

"I know the perfect job for you. Follow me."

"Huh?"

Without a reply, the cat jumps down from the ledge and wanders into the backyard.

"Catch me if you can!" I hear it call from the garden.

Oh, why not? As if I have anything better to do.

* * *

"Over here."

I look over to where the voice came from. It's a subtle part of the garden. But as I walk closer, I notice a unique radiance to its simplicity and sublimity.

Kneeling down next to the cat, I ask, "This is what you wanted to show me?"

It nods towards the bed of plants. "Go ahead; pick one."

I pluck a single flower out of the many identical blossoms in the flowerbed. Holding it in my hand, I feel a certain affinity towards it somehow.

It looks just like an ordinary white flower, unnoticeable in the sea of indistinguishable plant life.

But then it comes under the direct rays emanating from the midday sun, and that's when I notice how it turns a beautifully soft shade of pink in the right light.

I'm still in awe of that when a light breeze comes to blow the flower into the air, dispersing all the petals from the plant in the process. What's more amazing is how every lone portion shatters into a thousand tiny pieces in midair, disappearing from sight as they each fall to the ground.

"Senbonzakura," I whisper softly into the wind.

I don't know when – or if – I have ever heard that word before. But it's something that sounds very clear in my mind as I watch the vibrant display of flower petals.

That's it! That's the answer.

I look to my side, expecting to find the cat that led me here to my decision. Instead, I discover that I'm alone in the backyard, not a sound to be heard anywhere. Oh well, that cat will be back – when I least expect it, I'm sure.

What's more important is the fact that I now know which path I want to take. I just have to find a way to make that dream come true.

"Byakushi!" whines Yachiru from somewhere inside the house. The sudden noise almost makes me fall face-first into the grass. "How long have you been searching? You really suck at hide-and-seek!"

* * *

"Hey, Byakushi, what'cha doing?"

The persistent little girl stands up on the tip of her toes to try and get a better view of the newspaper I placed on the kitchen table.

I ignore her and continue to skim through the classifieds, looking for something that's remotely close to my budget.

She finally gives up and stands beside me with her hands folded on the back of her head. "Looks boring," she comments plainly.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion."

"Hey, that's mean! I just wanted to help you out!" She shakes her arms up and down rapidly like a bird trying to fly with clipped wings. Here comes the temper tantrum…

"Fine, you want to help? You can help." I pick up the newspaper and lower it to her eye-level. "Read through these ten pages of ads and tell me if there are any available buildings that are at least twenty square metres in size, at most four kilometres away from here, and cost no more than one hundred dollars per week or two thousand in total."

I look at Yachiru's face. Her eyebrows are tightly furrowed in concentration. For a second, I actually believe she understands what I just said, but then she turns away and runs into Rukia's bedroom, calling out behind her, "Sorry, Byakushi! I need to have my afternoon nap now!"

I smirk to myself. Ah, reverse psychology; works every time.

Still, this business thing isn't looking too good. I know what I want to do but achieving that goal is easier said than done.

Really, all I need is an empty space of some sort where I can set up shop. It doesn't even have to be that big. But since we have no car and I don't know to drive anyway, it has to be somewhere nearby. On top of that, there's the matter of the cost.

Finding something that fits all this criteria is like looking for a needle in a haystack. But at least with the latter, you know you will find the needle eventually. With this, nothing is ever guaranteed.

* * *

I tap my fingers on the kitchen table, never taking my eyes off the clock on the wall. It's been like this ever since the sun set, me getting more and more worried as the sky gets darker and darker.

As I focus on each passing minute, I barely notice anything else going on around me. I'm sure Yachiru was pulling at my sleeve and trying to persuade me to play another game with her earlier this afternoon, but I just kept watching the second hand make its way slowly around the clock.

Seven o'clock, twelve minutes, forty seconds, and counting…

It's practically pitch black outside. And still no sign of Rukia.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rings.

A shot of relief runs through me before my mind reasons that Rukia wouldn't need to ring the doorbell to enter her own house.

Still, I push myself out of the kitchen chair and turn to the front door.

Before I can even get there however, my visitor seems to have gotten impatient and let themselves in.

"Captain Kuchiki!"

She bursts through the open door and comes to embrace me in a nauseating hug.

It's only when she lets go and I catch my breath again that I notice her appearance.

Wow. I've had quite a few surprising guests today. But this one takes the cake.

Maybe it's her waist-length golden orange hair, or maybe it's the ridiculous amount of cleavage spilling out from her low-cut shirt, but something about this woman sets her apart from the rest. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I'll have to wait and see.

"Matsumoto Rangiku," she introduces. "Glad to see you again, Kuchiki."

"Nice to meet you, too," I mutter. I'm sure I should be acting more friendly towards this particularly enthusiastic stranger, but the day's exhaustion has finally caught up with me. I guess she notices, too.

"You look stressed," she says. "Oh, I have an idea! Come out drinking with me and my buddies! That'll loosen you up!"

"Uh, I don't think I should…"

"Why? Did Rukia put you under house arrest?"

Come to think of it, Rukia never said anything about not leaving the house, did she? So maybe it was self-implied but still, she only told me not to burn the house down. Well, there's even less chance of that happening if I'm not in the house, right?

"Okay then," I decide. "Count me in."

"Great! We're all ready to go."

But then something comes to mind. "Oh, wait, what about Yachiru?"

"No problem. I'm sure Ikkaku will be more than willing to watch over her." She turns to the front door and calls outside, "Hey, Ikkaku! Get in here!"

I hear a car door slam open and then shut. A man walks in, wearing black jeans and a white shirt. His head is completely shaved bald, though I would never say that to his face while he has that wooden sword secured to his belt. "What do you want, Matsumoto?"

As if on cue, Yachiru comes jumping up behind him, securing herself a seat on the back of his bare head and comfortably dangling her legs on each side of his neck. She laughs with joy and greets, "Baldy!"

Rangiku notices the bemused expression on his face and takes the opportunity to ask nicely, "Say, Ikkaku, you wouldn't mind being Yachiru's babysitter for the night, would you?"

"What?!" he exclaims.

"Pretty please," she begs in a sweet child's voice, batting her eyelashes and clasping her hands together under her chin.

"Fine, but you owe me another round of sake."

"Hooray! Let's go, Captain Kuchiki!"

I let her pull me out of the house and into the backseat of a black Mercedes.

"Kidnapped another one to drink with you, eh?" teases the dark-haired man from the passenger seat.

"Don't put it like that, Shuuhei," Rangiku defends. "Captain Kuchiki here just needs to relax a bit."

"Whatever you say," he replies. "Let's get going."

"Yes!" She orders the blonde man in the driver's seat, "Step on it, Kira – to the nearest bar!"

* * *

"Here, Kuchiki."

I stare at the wine that Rangiku's holding out for me.

The glass glistens under the revolving disco lights inside the lively bar. Everyone here seems so carefree. How I envy them.

Maybe this will help me forget about little pink-haired brats, overprotective sisters and talking cats.

And so, disregarding all consequences and responsibilities, I snatch the glass out of her hand and drink it down in a matter of seconds.

"Another," I demand.

"Go ahead," she says, gesturing to the countless bottles of alcohol on the table that she ordered when we first got here. "Just don't take them all for yourself."

I pour myself more and more wine, quickly losing track of how many glasses I've had. At some point, my vision starts to blur and I begin to feel a little dizzy. I lean back in the soft red seat of our booth but continue to drink.

On the plus side, I can barely remember how I got here, let alone all the troubles that were bothering me all day. It's perfect, the perfect drug.

I pour another drink and drown out my problems.

* * *

This was a big mistake.

_Have one more drink_, I told myself.

_It won't hurt you_, I told myself.

How wrong I was…

The room is spinning; turning and turning until I'm forced to close my eyes to regain composure.

I can't remember when it happened exactly, but Rangiku and the others are now passed out in the booth. Our wineglasses and bottles have long since been emptied and forgotten on the table.

I make use of my still-conscious state to figure out a way home that – preferably – doesn't involve me getting mugged, arrested or killed. My options seem to be limited.

With a sigh of defeat, I pull out my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans and dial a number I memorized earlier for such occasions. Who knew I'd need it so soon.

I hold the phone to my ear and wait for them to pick up. I start to lose hope after it rings for the tenth time, but then I hear that familiar voice on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Hey, Rukia, can you come pick me up? I think I'm drunk."

* * *

**Outtake**

"Why do we have to do this?" Rukia complains, struggling with the questions on the page in front of her.

"Unfortunately, purifying Hollows doesn't count as a reason to cut class," Ichigo mumbles, just as annoyed with these supplementary lessons as Rukia.

"Are they really allowed to keep us in this late?"

"We have been skipping classes on a daily basis lately," he says. "But what's the hurry anyway? It's not like you have a social life or anything."

His comment is returned with a menacing glare and a pencil thrown at his head.

"Bitch," he mutters under his breath.

"What did you say?" Rukia asks in a dead serious tone.

"You two should stop talking and start focusing on your work unless you want to be here 'til daybreak." Those words from Ms. Ochi shut them up.

Just then, Rukia's soul pager rings.

"A Hollow?" Ichigo asks in a whisper.

"No, a phone call actually," she replies. She raises her hand and, in her sweet schoolgirl voice, tells the teacher sitting at the front table, "Excuse me – I need to take this call."

Ms. Ochi nods. "Go ahead. But be back in five minutes."

Rukia takes her cell phone and leaves the classroom, quickly followed by Ichigo.

"Hey, where do you think you're going, Kurosaki?"

"Bathroom," Ichigo answers. Before Ms. Ochi has a chance to object, he's already out the door, walking beside Rukia down the school halls.

"You know, I don't need your help to answer a phone call," she says.

Ichigo just shrugs and replies, "I know, but I was about to fall asleep in there, and ditching class with you has become a habit."

"No wonder we're still here," Rukia mutters before holding the phone to her ear and answering the call. "Hello?"

"Hey, Rukia," comes Byakuya's voice, "Can you come pick me up? I think I'm drunk."

"What?" Rukia says, overcome by disbelief, forgetting all about the perfect manners she uses around her brother. "Are you kidding me?"

"Of course," he responds sarcastically, "Because I have such a vivid sense of humour."

She rolls her eyes. "I get the point. Where are you?"

"Uh, Rangiku took me to a bar. I think it's near our house."

"Oh, that's very helpful." It's her turn to be sarcastic. "I guess I'll have to track you down somehow. Just wait there and don't do anything stupid."

Rukia hangs up and pockets her phone.

Turning to Ichigo, she explains, "I have to go. My brother is drunk." Huh, that's something she never thought she'd ever say in her afterlife.

"What? Are you serious? Byakuya's drunk?!" Ichigo exclaims. "Now this is something I have got to see."

Rukia raises a mocking eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be going back to class?"

"Shouldn't you be, too?"

"Touché," she replies with a smirk.

With that, they take off at full speed out of the school grounds, just like they would if they'd received a Hollow signal – because this, too, is indeed an emergency.

* * *

**A/N: I've been writing parts of this chapter (not necessarily in order) for weeks and I finally got time to put it all together. Some scenes may not really flow into the next because I got lazy. I think I re-read this whole thing about four times, checking and changing my sentence structures, paragraphing and vocabulary. Don't hold your breath for the next installment.**


	4. Day Three: Catastrophic Consequence

**Day Three – Catastrophic Consequence**

_Accidents happen._

The warm radiance of sunlight coming in through the window wakes me up late in the morning.

I swing my legs over the side of the coffin slowly, wary of any side-effects from last night's outing. Strangely enough, I feel fine. There's no headache, dizziness or anything. It makes me suspicious as to how I've grown such flawless immunity to alcohol in just one night.

I shake my head and decide to push those thoughts aside as I walk over to my closet and pick out some clothes for today.

My memories of last night are a little blurry, yet still too clear…

* * *

After making the call to Rukia, I remember putting my cell phone away before somehow drifting off into a light sleep.

I woke up to someone gently shaking my arm.

When I managed to force my eyelids open, I saw Rukia standing in front of me with Ichigo by her side. He gazed at me with astonishment and curiosity, while Rukia's eyes only held resentment.

"Let's go." That's all she said before walking away.

I quickly followed her and Ichigo outside where she was carefully examining the line of cars parked outside the bar. Finally, she stopped at a shiny red one and faced me again.

"Get in," she ordered.

I blinked. "We're stealing a car?"

"We're _borrowing_ it."

"What about the owner?"

She pointed her thumb back at the bar and stated, "By the looks of what I saw in there, anyone who tries to drive in their condition will only end up in a very ugly accident. I'll be doing them a favour by taking their car out for a spin."

"Do you even know how to drive?"

"Of course not," she said, smirking. "Ichigo will be driving."

"Huh?!" Ichigo exclaimed. "I'm not old enough to drive! I don't even know how! I'll kill us!"

"Look around, Ichigo, there's not that many people on the streets. It'll be fine even if you hit a telephone pole or two."

"That's not the point, Rukia! Do you even understand the concept of a licence?!"

"Licence? Never heard of it," she said. "Whatever the case, I'm telling you to get us home – now."

Ichigo sighed in exasperation and opened the door to the driver's seat while Rukia climbed into the passenger seat from the other side of the car.

They appeared to be ready to go – though Ichigo looked nervous as hell – when they realized I was still standing on the sidewalk.

"What are you waiting for?" Rukia asked impatiently. "I told you to get in."

"But Rangiku, Shuuhei and Izuru are still inside."

She simply flicked her wrist dismissively. "I'm sure they've done this plenty of times before. They know how to take care of themselves."

I was still a bit hesitant but it didn't seem wise to leave Rukia waiting, so I reluctantly took a seat in the back and leaned against the headrest.

The first few minutes of the drive were nice and quiet. It was pitch-dark outside and the streets were almost entirely empty, so I closed my eyes, just about to doze off when the car made a very sudden turn to the right.

"Ichigo!" I heard Rukia yell. "Be more careful!"

"I told you I can't drive! And you expect me to make perfect right-hand turns?!"

She snickered. "Just get to the house already – and try not to kill us on the way."

"You better get out then – I'm not making any guarantees," he told her through gritted teeth.

I chose to tune out the rest of their argument and let myself relax; only vaguely hearing the sound of several more rough turns and Rukia scolding Ichigo for almost driving into a tree/lamppost/postbox.

I was still in a bit of a haze when I felt the car come to a stop and Rukia get out to lead me back inside whilst still insulting Ichigo on his driving skills.

* * *

That's all that I'm sure I remember; the details past that point are a bit uncertain, mixed in with many fragments of dreams I encountered throughout the night.

I sigh to myself. That was yesterday; there's nothing I can do about it now. So I guess it's time to face the music.

I finish buttoning up a blue shirt when I hear a voice from the kitchen.

"You're still mad at him?"

Ichigo's voice, I recognize. I guess he stayed the night. Oh, right, I do remember Rukia saying something to him last night along the lines of: "I don't trust you to drive home by yourself. If you die in a car crash, it would be very troublesome for me." She made it sound heartless but I could tell – even in my half-conscious state – that she really was worried.

"I'm not mad," I hear Rukia reply nonchalantly.

"It seems like you're acting differently towards him."

She answers thoughtfully, "He seems like a different person to me."

"How so?"

"Well, I never thought I could ever have a proper connection with him, but now, it finally feels like we're family."

"Then why are you being so harsh on him?"

She laughs – short but full of delight. "Because that's what sisters do."

"In a normal world," he corrects. "But Byakuya isn't any ordinary brother."

"I think he could be."

"Won't last long," he comments.

"I know," she says, her voice layered with what sounds like sorrow. She says it so quietly that I have a hard time catching it. And for some reason, I don't want to hear any more. So I decide to stop eavesdropping and walk out of my room.

Ichigo and Rukia turn to look at me as they hear my footsteps approach the kitchen. "Ah, you're awake," she says.

"Yeah," I reply, not really knowing what else to say.

She's about to say something else but before the words can come out, I see a flash of pink hair seemingly appear from nowhere and jump onto Ichigo's shoulder.

"Yachiru?" he says in bewilderment. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I live here of course! After all, Byakushi agreed to adopt me yesterday!"

Ichigo and Rukia both turn to stare at me, one of them confused and the other enraged.

Yachiru pays no mind to that and asks Ichigo, "Can you show me more fun things to do in the real world, Ichi? Kenny probably won't be released from the crazy house for a while so you can be his replacement for now!"

Ichigo doesn't seem very eager about it. However, Rukia sends him a fierce look that says, 'I need to have a talk with a dear brother of mine – alone.'

"Um, sure, Yachiru," he agrees rather unwillingly. "Let's go visit the amusement park."

"Yay!" she rejoices. "I want lots and lots of candy floss!"

Ichigo sighs in resignation and gives Rukia a 'you owe me' look before following the overly excited girl outside.

As soon as I hear the door close, Rukia snaps at me, "You adopted her?"

I feel a drop of sweat roll down my cheek. "Uh, well, you see, it just kinda happened."

She sighs – not in the mood to argue for once – and sits down at the kitchen table. "Just know that she's your responsibility and not mine. What I wanted to talk to you about today though is how you went with finding a job."

Ah, that. "I didn't actually find one but I did get an idea."

"Okay," she says, "I'm listening."

I smile, but really, I'm afraid of what she's going to think. "I want to open a flower shop."

She looks amused for a minute. Her lips pull up into a smile and she shakes her head in silent laughter. It seems like she's waiting for me to say I was joking. But then she realizes I'm being serious, and her face momentarily turns to astonishment before reaching comprehension.

"I see," she says in a neutral tone. She then smiles wistfully and whispers to herself, "I suppose that makes sense."

After a minute of silence, I ask, "So you approve then?"

"Conditionally," she answers.

My stomach twists and I brace myself for the worst.

She continues, "I shall train you to behave like a proper noble should; it would be quite unfortunate if you were to ever bring shame upon the Kuchiki name."

I cock an eyebrow. "What's the catch?"

"Oh, believe me; it's not as easy as it sounds." At that, she smiles a devious smirk that sends shivers down my spine.

* * *

She wasn't kidding. This definitely is not as easy as it sounds.

I feel my legs shake when Rukia picks up another heavy book – an encyclopedia by the looks of it – and raises her arms to place it atop my head.

"Isn't this enough?" I ask with a trembling voice. She could tell – as soon as she added the second book to the now-dangerously-tall stack – that I was getting very worried. And, even now, she looks like she's enjoying this – maybe a little too much.

"Not even close." She smirks.

Yeah, she's definitely enjoying this a little too much.

After five more additions to the pile on my head, she finally steps back to admire her work.

Clapping her hands together in triumph, she comments, "Perfect. Now, take a step forward."

This has got to be a joke. "That… is not possible."

"I didn't ask if it was possible or not; I simply told you to do it. You must learn to walk with a perfect posture like all nobles do." The smile on her face tells me that she knows – just as well as I do – what will happen if I try to move under these circumstances.

She raises her brow in challenge. "I'm waiting."

I can tell she isn't about to show mercy any time soon. So, very slowly and hesitantly, I inch my foot forward, barely moving it off the ground.

I wait a few seconds to make sure the pile is still steady and then breathe a sigh of relief. That's when things go wrong.

Somehow, I lose my balance in the slightest, and it's enough to cause the book closest to my head to quiver and fall loose, sliding down my forehead and falling onto the carpeted floor. This, alone, isn't all that bad. But it causes everything else to come undone as well.

I shut my eyes as the ten or so books slip down my hair and hit the floor.

I hear Rukia snicker disappointedly. "Stage one: failed. Let's move on, shall we?"

* * *

"Pay attention," she commands in an impassive tone. "We nobles are to avoid showing emotion at all times. It keeps us out of unnecessary conflicts. That is why we must remain apathetic towards everything. Never let your true feelings hinder the decisions made to maintain the natural order of the world."

"So, we're just meant to play dead?"

"Precisely," she replies complacently.

They must get tired of such a miserable life, mustn't they? I wonder if I had once thought this way to be right.

"Now, repeat the following statement in the same tone I use." She lowers her voice and speaks in a deep and steady monotone, "Feelings and emotions have no value compared to the law."

I try my best to imitate her pitch but it ends up sounding like a pathetic impression. "Feelings and emotions have no value compared to the law."

She rolls her eyes and sighs impatiently. "Seems like another failure. This is going to take a while."

* * *

Rukia places a small white cup on the coffee table in front of me. "Here; try this."

I hold the teacup in two hands. Looking down, I see what looks like water, tainted a light brown and with a few leaves floating amidst it. Not knowing exactly what it is, I decide to imagine it as water – plain water – and, with exaggerated slowness, I take a sip. Then, almost instantly, I spit every drop back into the cup.

"What is this?" I choke out. "It tastes disgusting."

"It's tea – your favourite kind," she replies in an aggravated tone.

I wipe my lips with my sleeve and say, "It tastes like watered-down mud."

She shakes her head in regret and sighs, "I think that's enough teaching for one day."

* * *

Ichigo arrives back just after noon, though Yachiru's not with him.

"She was having so much fun that she didn't want to leave," he tells us, rubbing his sore neck. "Besides, I don't think my neck could handle her sitting on my back for the rest of the day."

"Fine," Rukia says. "But we should go find her soon and bring her back. You know how bad her sense of direction is."

"Yeah, I know," he answers. "But first, shouldn't we return that car we borrowed last night?"

She shrugs. "I guess so."

And so, Ichigo walks back out the front door with Rukia following close behind.

Before stepping outside though, she half-turns to me and raises an eyebrow. Without her having to say anything, I know what she's worrying about.

"I'll be fine," I reassure her.

I'm not sure if she believes me. Her hesitant smile seems a sure sign of her doubts. Nevertheless, she walks out the door and leaves me to dwell in the silence.

As soon as I hear the sound of the car engine start up and then fade away into the distance, I retreat to my room, lie down inside my coffin and slowly drift into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Much too soon, I'm brought out of my slumber by familiar voices coming from my bedroom door. My eyes are still too heavy with sleep to open but I force my ears to hear every word they say.

"Wow, what's this?"

"That's pretty cool."

"Let's take a closer look."

I hear one pair of footsteps approaching the side of my coffin. As they stop, I hear them let out a long gasp.

"What's wrong, Kira?"

Oh, that's why the voices sound so familiar. It's Rangiku and the others. Wait, what are they doing here?

I hear someone else approach the coffin to stand beside Izuru and feel their eyes staring down at me. This would be a good time to open my eyes and assure them that I'm not a dead but my body's too drained and there's still a part of my mind telling me this is all a dream.

"Whoa, creepy!" I hear Shuuhei exclaim in admiration.

"What is it, guys?" Rangiku asks, obviously not being able to see with the lid of the coffin obstructing her view from the other side.

"It's… it's a…" Before Izuru finishes stuttering out his sentence, I feel him make a sudden gesture with his arm and the lid slams down loudly on the coffin. I hear him mumble, "Vampire," in answer, but only faintly since it's kinda hard to hear anything from inside a closed casket. It's also getting a little hard to breathe.

My eyes finally find the strength to open. And now there's nothing to see except for the shade of red velvet and a thin strip of light shining through the minuscule gap between the coffin and its lid.

"Kira, what have you done?!" Rangiku accuses.

"It was an accident!"

I then hear Rangiku ask me lightheartedly, "Hey, Captain Kuchiki, you doing alright in there?"

What a stupid question.

"No, actually, I am not alright!" I call. "I am stuck in a coffin, if you haven't noticed!"

"Huh, interesting. How is it? Resting in peace, I assume?" she jokes.

"Damn it, Rangiku! Get me out of here!"

"Okay, okay, no need to get all worked up," she replies in a tone that almost sounds insulted. "Kira, Shuuhei, help me lift this thing."

I hear the two men groan and then place their hands on the edge of the lid, utilizing all their strength to raise it back up to its vertical position.

I sit up and rub my eyes. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh, how rude of us," Rangiku says with mock shame. "We should've called ahead first. But I'm sure you wouldn't mind accompanying us today."

"Rangiku, you don't expect me to go drinking with you again."

"Of course not!" she defends. "We're not going drinking; we're going to an AA meeting!"

… "You're kidding, right?"

* * *

How did I end up agreeing to this?

"This is where the AA meeting's held?" I ask suspiciously.

"Of course!" Rangiku replies simply.

I look back at the house before us. At the top, there's a sign reading 'Urahara Shop.'

"Let's go then!"

Left with few choices now that they've driven me all the way here, I follow Rangiku, Shuuhei and Izuru inside the little store.

"Welcome to the shop," greets a small girl with black pigtails. "Are you here to see the manager?"

"Ah, Matsumoto, you've finally arrived!" A blonde man in a green and white striped hat – whom I can only assume is the supposed shopkeeper – walks in from the back of the store, smiling from ear to ear. "We've been waiting for you," he says in a bright, carefree voice. "Please come on in."

He guides the four of us to a trapdoor, down a very long ladder and then into the basement. Actually, the description 'basement' doesn't seem to suit this place. It's like a barren waste land in here, the only features being large boulders and withering tree branches. The walls are even painted to represent a clear blue sky.

"This is usually used for our training grounds so please excuse the mess," he explains. "For today, we have temporarily remodeled it as our meeting room."

Firstly, why does a shop need a training ground? I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. Secondly, how is this 'remodeled'? The only thing he seems to have prepared for this meeting is a long glass table situated a few metres away from the bottom of the ladder, looking very out-of-place.

I notice there are twenty seats around the table, and about ten of those are occupied.

"Please sit down," the man says as he takes his place at the head of the table.

I sit towards the back in between Rangiku and Izuru, not at all happy with this turn of events. Looking around the table, I see a very wide and strange variety of people. Most of them are happily chatting amongst themselves while the others simply sit there and glare holes through the table.

The blonde man claps his hands together to gain our attention. "Hello, hello," he addresses us. "I am Urahara Kisuke. I shall be your… umm… host…? Therapist…? Doctor…? Uh, let's just say I'm the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings person. Feel free to ask me anything."

This has got to be a joke. I would have never imagined someone like him curing alcohol addiction – or any serious problems at all, for that matter. In fact, it seems to me like he's drunk right now. Or maybe he's always like that… Either way, it only fuels my suspicions of this already very odd meeting.

"Now, let's see…" He picks up a clipboard and pen from out of nowhere and says, "For this first session, why don't you all tell me about your problems?"

I groan in exasperation.

Unfortunately, he hears me. "Is there something wrong, Kuchiki?"

"This is my problem: I should not be here," I mumble, more to myself than to him. "I've gone drinking _one _time. That hardly makes me an alcoholic."

Of course, Rangiku decides to correct me, "You only _remember_ it happening one time."

"I do not have a drinking problem."

Kisuke continues to smile like an idiot. "Denial isn't good for the soul."

"I am not in denial!"

"There you go again."

"Ugh, I can't stand this!" I clutch my head in between my hands, sensing the gradual deterioration of my sanity, and try to shut out his annoying voice.

"I see we have a long road ahead of us," he says to the group. "But that's okay. I'm sure there are plenty of issues among us, and we'll find ways to work through each and every one of them. Now then, who would like to speak next?"

I sink into my seat and wait for all of this to be over.

* * *

If I had it my way, I would have left that horrid excuse for an AA meeting as soon as it started. But seeing as Izuru was my ride home, they forced me to stay for the entire two hours, listening to everyone there explain their problems. Honestly, I tuned them out after the first five minutes and just thought about ways to avoid letting Rangiku take me there ever again. Eventually, the meeting came to an end and now I'm taking a ride back home in Izuru's black Mercedes.

As we arrive outside my house, I mutter bitterly, "Thanks for trip."

"Anytime," Rangiku replies with her usual cheery voice. "Expect visits from me more often, okay?"

"Fantastic." That's all I have to say before getting out of the car, walking into the house and slamming the door behind me without looking back.

I storm to the couch and sit down absently, not noticing my surroundings until I hear quiet giggling beside me.

"Aw, is Byakkun a little grumpy?"

I glare down at the little pink-haired brat.

So she's back. And she's given me a new nickname.

"Hey, Byakkun," she says.

"What do you want?"

"What's for dinner?"

I look up at the clock to see that it's not even five o'clock yet.

"I don't know. You'll have to wait for Rukia to get back."

"Aw, but I'm hungry _now_!" She starts jumping up and down in frustration.

I sigh. "Fine, fine, but if Rukia gets mad, you're taking the blame."

"Agreed," she says gladly.

I head to the fridge and find an uncooked steak on a platter. I take it out and rest it beside the stove.

"Oh, is that it?"

I nod my head, keeping my eyes on the slab of meat and trying to remember what Rukia taught me about using the stove.

"Let's start cooking then!" Yachiru's tiny hands reach up and snatch the plate off the counter.

I turn to see her heading to the other end of the kitchen. "Wait, what are you doing?"

She shoves the dish into the microwave and pushes the 'start' button, watching the meat inside begin to move with fascination.

Before it can even make a single rotation though, I hurry over to her and reclaim our dinner. As I take the plate back to the stove, I tell her, "You do not cook raw meat in a microwave."

After placing the tray back on the counter, I reach into one of the lower cupboards to retrieve a frying pan and place it on top of the stove.

"Aw, but microwaves are fun! You get to watch the thing inside go round and round and round and round…"

I groan in annoyance. She really is just like a little kid.

Forget about it. For now, I just need to figure out how to turn on this damn stove…

After several minutes of fiddling with the switches, I realize I have no idea what I'm doing.

"Not so smart in the kitchen, are you?"

"Do _you_ have any bright ideas, kid?"

She puts the tip of her finger to her chin, deep in thought. Then it seems like a light bulb goes off in her head. "I know! We can use some of that kidou stuff!"

"Kidou?"

"Yeah; it can be quite handy, though I haven't tried it in a while. I'm sure you've gotten back enough power to use it. Just watch me." She holds out her right arm, straightening out her elbow and opening her palm. At the same time, she bends her left arm at a right angle and rests that hand on her leveled elbow. "Now, let's see… How did that incantation thingy go? Something about flesh, blood, wings, heat and water…?" She furrows her eyebrows and frowns. "Oh, I can't remember! Why do they make them so long and complicated? This is why kidou is stupid!"

"What in the world are you saying?"

"Never mind, we'll discard the chant. Keep your palm aimed at the stove and just repeat after me."

I focus on the target and listen as Yachiru's voice becomes low and serious.

"Hado thirty-one," she says.

"Hado thirty-one." As soon as I utter those words, I start to feel a light flame forming in the palm of my hand.

"And now," she continues, "Shakkahou!"

Here goes nothing… "Shakkahou!"

That small flame suddenly becomes a ball of red fire and shoots out from my palm to ignite the stove.

It worked.

Although, I'm pretty sure the plan didn't involve setting the entire kitchen alight, too…

Oh no. That's not good…

"Run!"

Before the scene can completely register in my head, I feel Yachiru pull me out of the house.

I sense the falling embers threaten to imprison me here as we run through the living room. I hear the crushing of furniture under the collapsing roof as we escape through the door. I feel all these things happening. And yet, my mind refuses to believe it. It shouldn't be possible for one person to be this unlucky – right?

"Byakkun," Yachiru says to me as we stand there on the front lawn, watching the scene unfold, "the house is on fire."

Somehow, her absurdly obvious statement makes me realize this is actually happening. And it becomes all too real.

My mind tells me I can't let this disaster continue. But there's nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is watch as our house burns down before my eyes.

Holy crap, how in the world am I going to explain this one?

And then, like the whole world is against me today, I hear a taxi pull up on the kerb behind me. Without turning, I know exactly who it is. And I suddenly have an urge to run away, far away – into the fire would do, too. Anything would be better than facing Rukia right now.

I hear the taxi door close and Rukia walk toward me. "Hey," she says casually. "I bought us some dinner."

That's when I hear her gasp and a paper bag drop to the ground.

Slowly, excruciatingly, I turn around and put on an awkward smile. "That's good. Because I think I overcooked the steak."

She barely hears me, simply gaping at the sight before her.

After a moment of processing the scene, she manages to put her anger into one hate-filled shriek. "You burnt the house down?!"

* * *

**Outtake**

Renji groans loudly as he gets to work on yet another file. He hasn't been in the best of moods lately and this is simply pushing him over the edge.

You see, it wasn't long ago that chaos erupted in Soul Society because of the whole ryoka incident. And even now, Seireitei is still recovering and restoring itself back to what it used to be. Therefore, this is not the best time for several of the captains and lieutenants to be heading over to the world of the living for what seems like a vacation.

And just why does this bother Renji so much?

Well, with so many high-ranking officers leaving the scene, several squads' worth of paperwork has been passed down solely to him.

Renji doesn't mind a little paperwork – he isn't lazy like a certain Squad Ten lieutenant or illiterate like a certain Squad Eleven captain – but he still prefers the hands-on approach when it comes to his squad duties.

He finishes filling out one sheet and reaches for another when the door to his office suddenly slides open, startling him and causing him to drop his brush and smudge fresh ink on the document in front of him.

He looks up to see Ise Nanao walking towards his desk.

"Sorry to interrupt you, Lieutenant Abarai," she says in her customarily polite tone. "But I have some paperwork that I need you to take care of."

He then notices the thick stack of papers she's holding in her hands just before she gently places them on the edge of his desk.

Renji feels like bashing his head against the table in front of him. But that would only cause all the papers on the desk to fall on the floor, leaving him with a mess that he would have to clean up afterwards. So he restrains himself and simply nods his head.

"You see," Nanao explains, "Captain Kyouraku is planning a trip to the world of the living. And for the sake of humanity, I must accompany him and make sure he doesn't get up to any trouble during his stay."

Renji nods again.

"I must take my leave now. It makes me nervous to know that my captain is by himself. I am the one who must take responsibility for him after all." She gives a small smile before turning back and sliding the door shut behind her.

With the office all to himself again, Renji folds his arms on the table and lets his head fall in front to rest atop the back of his hands. Then, in a voice full of desperation and sorrow, he mumbles to no one, "Please, Captain, come back soon."

* * *

**BR/N (Beta Reader's Note):** Hallo hallo, I'm the beta reader for Byakuya Kageyoshi! Yes! My employer doesn't pay me anything and only yells at me, un.. but whatever. It's fun to read about Byakuya before all you guys~! I came up with a lot of ideas for this series, just so you know.. ^o^ Like the house burning down, the coffin... um, well, Phyllis and I worked together, I guess. So.. yes, being a ByakuRuki fan, I complained about the slightest hint of IchiRuki that was in this chapter, since.. well, it IS a HUMOUR STORY, neh? Phyllis kept reminding me every day for a week to read this chapter, but you know, it just kept slipping my mind. Eventually, she threatened to fire me if I didn't read it over the weekend. The conversation ended up something like this:

Phyllis: _Jen, read that chapter over the weekend or Nichola's going to replace you as beta reader!! :(_  
Jen: _NoOo! Do you have any idea what will happen if she's your beta reader?? She'll let you write IchiRuki!! :O  
_On Monday...  
Phyllis: _Did you read it??_  
Jen: _.. read what?_

I'm still beta reader because I kept begging, and begging... anyway, I did find a few errors and plotholes in the end, so yeah, un!! Seeyaz~!

**A/N: ... (Jen, when I said you could put in a beta reader's note, I also told you to keep it short!) Well, I'm sure I don't need to introduce Jen to you readers now. She's not really a beta reader - merely my friend/demon who reads my chapters before I post them. She never actually tells me how to write the story. She justs gives me ideas because I find it so painfully difficult to write humour on my own. Anyways, I'm sorry for taking so long on this chapter. I was uninspired and got bored and then it was delayed for another two weeks due to a certain someone (*glaring at Jen*) forgetting to read it, and I'm still not happy with it.**


	5. Day Four: Price To Pay

**Day Four**** – Price To Pay**

'_Til__ death do us part._

"I now pronounce you man and wife."

Remind me again; how did I get myself into this?

* * *

It was only a few hours ago that my life had still been normal—well, as normal as everyday life gets for me anyway.

I placed the heavy cardboard box on the floor and let out a sigh. Moving into a new apartment was bad enough. On top of that, Rukia and I had also had to buy an entirely new set of furniture due to the fact that our previous fixtures were all reduced to ash last night.

"Getting tired?" she asked.

I looked up and replied, "I'm fine."

"Need some help?"

"No, it's alright."

If she'd asked me that same question yesterday, had she been home in time to cook dinner, and had I said yes, I'm sure I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

After she had come home to find our house on fire, I listened to her lecture me for what seemed liked hours before she finally calmed down enough to listen to reason. We let the firemen take care of the remains of our home whilst Rukia and I went and contacted the first landlady we could get a hold of—Ise Nanao, I'm quite sure her name was—to seek out a new place to live. We weren't in any position to be picky, so we chose the cheapest apartment there was and signed off the paperwork.

Oh, if you're wondering where Yachiru was during all of that, don't ask me. That little brat comes and goes as she pleases; I'm sure I haven't seen the last of her yet. And what about our so-called pets, you ask? Those good-for-nothing cats disappeared long before last night and I didn't even notice until now. Hopefully, they're causing trouble elsewhere and won't be coming back.

"Stop daydreaming and come with me to get the last boxes." Rukia's words pulled me from my mental flashback. I could hear the impatience seeping into her voice so I quickly followed her out the door.

After climbing down four flights of stairs, we came to the outside of the building. And again, from across the street, I saw the ruins of what used to be our home.

"I still can't believe there was this huge apartment building directly in front of our house and I never noticed it before," I mused to myself.

"Come on, I know the scenery out here is lovely," she said, gesturing towards the big pile of ash, "but we should get our stuff inside now."

"Right."

And so, with one last glance of farewell at where our home once was, I picked up the last box from the sidewalk and followed Rukia up the stairs. Once inside, we unpacked the few old possessions that miraculously survived the fire and organized the large boxes of new furniture into the right rooms, deciding to set everything up later.

"Now that that's all done," Rukia said, dusting off her hands, "get out."

I was not expecting_ that_. "What?"

"You heard me; I want you to leave."

I continued to stand there, stunned and mystified. "Would you care to explain?"

"You want explanations? Let's see… You agreed to adopt Yachiru without even knowing who she was, you went drinking with Matsumoto after knowing her for five minutes, and you burnt down our house two days after we'd moved in." She pointed to the front door. "I want you gone."

I somehow ended up backed into the hallway and watched as the door slammed closed in my face the instant I was outside.

It took me a few minutes to process all this. Still in a bit of a daze, my body instinctively took slow steps backwards, seeking refuge against something real and solid. Once I felt my back meet a hard surface, I assumed it was the wall and leaned against it; in actuality, it was the entrance to the apartment directly across from Rukia's. I still didn't realise that when footsteps approached from behind the door and it opened, sending me falling into the apartment and bruising my back against the hardwood floor.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position with my elbows and rubbed my head, not even taking notice of who had opened the door.

"Captain Kuchiki!"

I looked up and stuttered, "R-Rangiku?!"

"Fancy seeing you here," she greeted, cheerful as ever. "You didn't tell me you were paying me a visit!"

"Oh, well, that's not it. Rukia and I just got an apartment here after our house became… uninhabitable." Just then, something clicked in my head and I realized what she had said. "Wait, are you saying that you live here?"

"Yep. It's a pleasure to meet you, neighbour."

I stood up and smoothed out my shirt. "Don't say that. Rukia's not letting me stay here with her anymore."

"What?" she gasped in sympathy. "Where are you going to stay?"

"I don't know."

She tilted her head to the side, straining to think of a solution. A plan seemed to start formulating in her mind, and I had a feeling I wouldn't like whatever she was considering by the way she frowned to herself and muttered doubtfully, "Maybe not…" After a moment, she finally made up her mind and eagerly clapped her hands together. "Okay, I have the perfect idea!"

It might've just been my imagination, but I swear I saw a mischievous glint appear in her eyes when she said that.

* * *

And that is why I am here. _This_ was her idea. She says she will let me live in her apartment, free of charge, if I just fulfil this condition. It doesn't seem like the most rational plan of action to me but it's the only option I seem to have right now. So here I am, married to a woman I've known for two days.

Thank the gods Rangiku didn't ask for a fancy wedding. Well, she didn't seem completely satisfied with this small ceremony either but she agreed nonetheless. She still dragged me along to go shopping and picked out a striking white dress for the occasion. I don't understand why she got all dressed up; spur-of-the-moment weddings usually don't attract a grand audience.

The only spectator at our 'special day' is the priest standing before us. When we first walked into this insignificant chapel, he casually introduced himself as Kyouraku Shunsui. He seems to enjoy his job, seeing as it doesn't involve doing anything too difficult or complex for his idle mind to comprehend. The lazy aura that constantly surrounds him must have quite the effect on anxious couples jumping in on early marriage. It doesn't cure my nerves, however.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Standing here now, I'm beginning to wonder if this is really worth it.

* * *

"Well now, wasn't that fun?"

Gazing out the car window, I watch as the houses of the neighbourhood pass by, decidedly not responding to Rangiku's enthusiasm.

I imagine her pouting as she says, "Aw, you really should talk more, Byakuya. It's not nice to ignore your wife."

I resist cringing at that last word.

"So then, do you have any ideas for our honeymoon?"

I almost choke on the air in my mouth. "Rangiku," I say sternly, "need I remind you that this… relationship is merely a business deal? I will not play along and pretend to be your husband. We are only a married couple on paper."

"Tut-tut," she utters in disapproval, shaking her index finger from side to side. "Remember, I just did you a favour. You don't have the right to tell me what I can and can't do now. Got that, honey?"

I close my eyes and choose to remain calm, sitting in silence for the rest of the way back.

A few minutes later, I feel the car slow to a stop, shadowed by the tall apartment complex situated beside us.

"We're home."

* * *

Rangiku told me to get settled in. She even offered to share her room with me, to which I strongly refused. She whined and pouted but argued no further; instead, showing me to the one other bedroom in the apartment.

This place isn't that different from Rukia's. It does seem much more homely though, probably due to the fact there is actual furniture prepared here. Even the guest bedroom is so well-arranged and organized that it seems there could have been someone living here just recently before my arrival.

I don't really know what I'm meant to be doing at the moment. It's not like I have any stuff to unpack; they were almost all extinguished in that unfortunate house fire and then Rukia wasn't feeling considerate enough when she threw me out to leave me the meagre remnants.

So, with nothing else to attend to, I feel like doing a little exploring. Maybe there's something in this room that could pique my interest. However, just as I'm about to pull open the top drawer of my new dresser, I hear the ring of the doorbell and Rangiku's hurried steps into the living room.

"Ah, you're back!" I hear her welcome the visitor.

Hmm, I guess searching through the apartment can wait. For now, I walk out to join Rangiku at the front door. As I get closer, I see a young boy standing there with her and immediately recognize who it is. "Hey, it's you, Toushirou."

He turns to face me, and, judging by the stunned expression on his face, he's clearly surprised to see me. "You… What are you doing here?"

"Oh, sorry for not telling you about this earlier," Rangiku interjects. "As of today, Byakuya here is your new daddy."

Toushirou opens his mouth to speak but can't seem to put together a proper sentence; instead, he vents his rage in the form of two tightly clenched fists at his sides.

During the heated silence, I look between the two curiously. "Rangiku, this is… your son?"

"Why, yes, he is!" she replies at once, encircling her arms around his neck in an affectionate embrace, much to his agitation. "Isn't he adorable?"

The vein in his forehead threatens to burst. "Matsumoto, get off of me!"

She puts a finger to his lips in a silent hush. "You should learn to speak more politely in front of your new father. And how many times must I remind you to call me Mum?"

He whacks her hand away from his mouth. "He is _not_ my father and _you_ are not my—"

She smothers his protests, nestling her breasts ever closer to his head, and murmurs into his ear, "Oh, he's also going to be taking your bedroom from now on. I hope you don't mind."

He manages to push her arms away at last and frees himself from the confines of her chest, taking in a deep breath and letting out a low roar like that of a dragon. "MATSUMOTO!"

* * *

**Outtake**

The rest of the day was slow for Rukia. Lying in bed now, she tells herself it's a good thing that Byakuya's gone; she need not worry about his dramas anymore. But then there's that part of her that feels guilty; the one telling her to find him and make sure he's okay. And, dare she say, there's also a part of her that misses him; feels lonely without him. It's times like these when she wishes she were back in the comfort of Ichigo's closet; in the house where she wasn't the only one who felt empty at night.

_Knock, knock._

She sits up instantly as if she was just shocked by an electric current. _No way… It couldn't be…_

After hurriedly putting on a silk dressing gown, she walks to the front door, rubbing her eyes, and wonders who would be paying her a visit this late at night. Surely it's not her brother; if he were that desperate to come back, she's sure he would have done so at a more reasonable hour.

She opens the door and what she sees isn't expected at all.

It's Hitsugaya Toushirou, standing there in white pajamas. In one hand, holding a pillow; in the other is a cotton blanket.

Rukia blinks to make sure she's seeing right. "Captain Hitsugaya?"

"I'm sleeping on your couch tonight."

Without waiting for a reply, he walks past Rukia and makes his way to the leather sofa.

"You know, it's considered polite to ask first." Rukia turns around, ready to question him on just why he's here, but then she sees him already fast asleep on the black couch, his head resting contentedly against the armrest.

She closes the front door gently, careful not to make a sound, and walks over to the sleeping boy. His mouth unconsciously opens and shuts in accordance to the subtle rise and fall of his chest as she hears his soft, faint breaths. The stress that's stayed with him during the day disappears from his features and leaves him as any ordinary child yearning for somewhere to call home.

It's such a soothing scene that Rukia can't bear to hold anything against this superior officer right now for not offering her any explanations. A smile forms on her face as she's comforted by the fact she won't be the only one alone tonight.

* * *

**BR/N: **YO!! First, I want to say HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jen has been SACKED as Beta Reader!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you're stuck with me!!! ...you probably won't live much longer... *insert evil laugh here*

I love exclamation marks. If you ever get a review that seems to be from a hyper-active fangirl, then it's most likely from me. I love myself!! Oh, and my name is Nichola. That's 'Nicholas' without the 'S.' If you like chocolate, Phyllis, anime or Doctor Who, you are automatically loved by me. But no one is loved by me more than Phyllis. So don't even try.

By the way, I am an impulsive person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't have a good memory. I know I changed some parts in this story but I can't remember what they were. But Jen didn't change anything so HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the 28th of March, 2008, I married a... person...!! As a result, Phyllis is my sister-in-law. I'm OLDER than her!!! But not by much. I'm 15. Bet you're wondering how I'm married???? KEEP WONDERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If ANYBODY mentions my height... (not short... not short...) they DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! so, yep. That's me. Love me, hate me. NO, don't hate me. I got to read the next chapter before you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and edit it...

**A/N: So then, how do you guys like my new beta reader? I didn't actually mean to fire Jen (not today, at least). It's just that I finished this chapter last night and planned on getting Jen to read it today at school but she was still sick at home (I know what you guys are thinking, but she does _not_ have swine flu, hopefully). Oh well. She doesn't usually contribute much to the story anyway (though she did give me most of the ideas for this chapter). So I got Nichola to**** read through this chapter and she told me a few things to change/add. Well, to be precise, she left me three pieces of advice, one of them being, "Put in more of Hitsugaya's OMG!ness." So, yeah, that was... very helpful...**** And as you can see, I've given up trying to write long chapters because I noticed that the more I write the worse it becomes... So, I'll hope to update quicker but I'm kind of stuck on ideas for this next portion of the story. (****By the way, Nichola and I had to beta read her Beta Reader's Note after she wrote it since there were a few mistakes in there.)** **- Phyllis**


	6. Epilogue: Bittersweet Memories

**A/N: Okay, I've decided to give up on this so that I can get to work on stories that are more worth my time. What do you expect? I was about as committed to writing this as Matsumoto is to doing paperwork. Only difference is, instead of Hitsugaya yelling at me to get it done, I had my two best friends telling me to continue and not letting me just delete this story. Oh well. It was fun coming up with random ideas with them at the start, but putting it into words pretty much killed the humour.**

**Anyway, here's the epilogue, just so this story does have an end. The first half is basically a brief summary of what would have happened had I been bothered to write it and then the second half is an encounter between Rukia and Byakuya after he's regained his memories, which I began writing months ago just in case I decided to quit.**

* * *

**Epilogue – Bittersweet Memories**

_All's well that ends well._

The world seems to have started revolving the right way round again. I doubt it ever really strayed off course; I guess you could say I was just taken through a detour. But now, the routine that makes up my daily life has been put back into play. Everything is the way it should be.

Those entire two weeks in the world of the living were undoubtedly a worthless waste of time. The unpleasant job of babysitting Lieutenant Kusajishi, the bothersome 'marriage' to Lieutenant Matsumoto, the misadventures of trying to bond with Captain Hitsugaya as his 'stepfather,' and then the subsequent admission into a mental asylum for alleged child abuse and bumping into none other than a crazed, fight-deprived Zaraki Kenpachi, where I might have met my demise there and then if it were not for—and I hate to say this—the training I received from one Shihouin Yoruichi.

I unconsciously shake my head at the memory.

After _that_ little incident, Rukia and her companions managed to concoct a plan to bail me out of the institution, and I thought things would settle down from there. Of course, I forgot about one other thing: my so-called 'wife,' waiting at home for my return. I could not believe she expected to welcome me back with open arms; she is the reason I was sent away in the first place. That is when Yoruichi came up with an ever-so-appealing proposal: a sham marriage to cancel out the first one. And, naturally, she had no problem playing the part of the bride.

The wedding did not make it to its reception, though. Fittingly, the members of Seireitei chose that occasion to reveal the truth behind everything.

It was all an act—literally.

Apparently, the Soul Society Women's League had been brainstorming ideas for a new way to raise their rapidly diminishing funds after much of Soul Society's money had been allotted to fixing the damages done by the ryoka during their invasion of Seireitei. And Rukia just happened to mention something they have in the world of the living called reality television.

When I asked them why I was chosen to bear the scrutiny of appearing as the victim on such a disgraceful program, they told me Rukia had been the one to suggest my name. However, I did not get a reason regarding her decision. Even now, that is one thing I have yet to find out.

After a long series of explanations and justifications about unexpected occurrences that tampered with the show's initial plot, budget cuts that forced the abrupt removal of several scenes and characters, and overall timing issues, they finally cut to the chase and gave me back what I was impatiently waiting for: my memory. It seems that Squad Twelve had developed the technology to extract the memories from my mind and keep them inside a pill resembling gikongan. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi handed me the green capsule to swallow and, for some reason, I hesitated, unsure of whether I wanted to discover what the truth entailed, but did as was expected.

It was certainly a relief to be in control again, instead of facing the unknown with no knowledge of past experience. But from that one instant when my memories came crashing back down on me, I realized there are some things I would rather forget.

I shake my head at that, mentally correcting myself. The truth is that I do not wish to forget anything; rather, I wish for them to leave the forefront of my mind and allow for peace within my own thoughts. As much as I hate to admit it, it is unimaginably painful when, day after day, night after night, those memories from fifty years ago still come back to haunt me. And even the icy barrier I built around myself cannot protect me from what is inside my own heart.

Then, as if it may somehow warm my long-dormant compassion, I turn my head to the side of the room and look out the simple framed window on the wall. The sun, bright and indomitable, slowly descends towards its horizon from the hazy orange clouds of sunset. Another day in Seireitei has come and gone. And I find myself wishing for something different.

Weeks ago, change would have been the last thing on my mind. I had been firm in the belief that order is needed to maintain stability and that the status quo should be preserved at all costs. But having the chance to live a life I have never even imagined and unknowingly relapsing back into my demeanor from a hundred years ago has put things into perspective. I may never admit this again, but if I had the choice, I would choose to continue living that life.

That train of thought is interrupted, however, when I hear the sound of light footsteps approaching the door.

"Excuse me for intruding, Brother."

I turn my eyes back to the front of the room as the door slides open, allowing her to step inside. "Rukia," I acknowledge.

Our relationship is no longer as it was during my stay in the world of the living. The untailored manner in which we addressed each other does not seem appropriate now that I have regained recollection of how a proper noble should and must behave. Even so, the air between us is not as tense and heavy as it used to be. At this point in time, she dares a faint smile and approaches my desk with comfortable strides.

Maybe this experience was worth it after all. If it helps, even in the slightest, to atone for my original choice of protecting the law instead of keeping my promise to protect her, I would go through it all again, however many times she may ask of me.

She does not seem to notice my pondering as she stands before where I sit and announces in a calm yet cheerful tone, "The Soul Society Women's League has tallied up the show's ratings, and the results were much better than we had expected. Congratulations, Brother; you've helped us raise plenty of much-needed funds for the association. Furthermore, Club President Kusajishi has said she has many more future projects in mind that she would love for you to be involved—"

"Count me out," I state in finality. I may be willing to endure however much is needed for Rukia's sake, but I know without a doubt that I do not owe anything to the rest of that troublesome association of con-artists.

I can tell she wants to object but her conscience will not let her. So she nods. "Understood. I will pass your decision on to the other club members. They will be disappointed, though, and you know how persistent they can get. Oh well. Lieutenant Kusajishi did say something about getting Captain Zaraki to be her next victim anyway. Surely she won't be too disappointed."

She pauses then, a question nagging at her mind, it seems. She opens her mouth to speak again, but stops before any words can escape. I assume she fears the impending answer to her query. A moment later, it looks like she has rethought her question, before asking, "Are you mad at them, Brother?" It is easy to understand the true meaning behind her words; what she really wants to know.

I reply honestly, giving an answer that is acceptable for both variations of the question. "I am not mad at anyone."

For a moment there, I considered telling her directly, "I am not mad at you, Rukia," but that would have made it too obvious—and added unnecessary tension to the atmosphere.

She looks back at me soundlessly, and it makes me believe she understands.

After letting a dim smile grace her lips once more, she turns and makes her way to the exit.

"Rukia."

She stops mid-step, just past the threshold, and stays there, waiting for me to say what I need to say.

"You had a reason for choosing me to be the one involved in this project."

Silence.

"Tell me what it was."

She hesitates.

"I want to know."

She breathes an inaudible sigh of defeat. "I wanted to thank you, for saving me from Captain Ichimaru's zanpakutou during the fight on Soukyoku Hill. I thought this would be a good way to keep your mind off of things. And also"—she turns to face me—"I wanted to see you smile."

This time, it is I who hesitates. She, in turn, begins to look uncomfortable.

So I say, "I see. Thank you."

She lightly smirks before bowing and sliding the door shut.

Yes, life finally makes sense again.

But, as I look back out at the darkening sky of dusk, reflecting on the events of both the recent and distant pasts, I cannot help but think some things are better left forgotten.

* * *

**BR/N:** Yo!!! It's me again! Nichola... Also known as ciel_in_a_dress. I like the underscores. And the story!!!!!! I didn't want this story to finish. at all. ever. I love it. a lot. I'M A BETTER BETA READER THAN JEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love Byakuya. not the song (D.N. Angel opening). Well, I do but... It's been stuck in my head for ages so Now I hate it. BUT I LOVE HIM!!!!!! And I married my friend's cat. GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be back...

**A/N: Well, that's it. Thank you to any and all readers/reviewers who actually found some enjoyment in this messed up story. Oh, and yes, Nichola married my cat. I was the priest. The wedding took place in my backyard. A grand total of five guests showed up. Nichola walked down the 'aisle' to Darth Vader's theme music. The bride and groom's first dance was to a Linkin Park song. Good times.**


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